Saturday, December 6, 2014
I have not written to this blog in some time. I am not sure why I haven't. I am am sitting here watching the movie “Into The wild” and a desire to start writing again comes over me. I stop the movie and begin writing these words.
A few days ago, I moved from Plano, TX
to Forest City, Iowa 856 miles due North. I am sure those I left
behind don't fully understand why I would make this move. I am not
sure if I do either. I just know it was time. I am here in my nephews
apartment.
My nephew has been asking me to move up
for a few years now. Steven, over the years, has become like a son to
me. Many years ago my daughter died before she was born. That
marriage failed shortly afterward. My second marriage failed about
six years ago. I have no children, no woman in my life, and a only
handful of friends. I am the youngest of eight adopted children. I
have several nephews and nieces. The grand nephews and grand nieces
are increasing in number. I have no idea how many there are. I
believe the number in the clan has grown to fifty or more. The only
ones I have had any contact with in the last six years are my Dad, my
sister Ann Marie, my brother Joe, and my nephew Steven.
My dad celebrated his ninety-fifth
birthday right before Thanksgiving. I haven't seen him since my
mother passed away in 2008. I have wanted to visit him in California
but have never had the money to go. I was thinking about driving
there before heading to Iowa, but once again I found I only had
enough to move North.
Since I made the decision to move, my
car had several issues. I spent a lot of money on repairs and parts.
Every time the money ran out, more money came to me. My church gave
me more than enough to cover tires and an oil change. I needed
another hundred to replace my front shocks. I was walking to work one
day and the wind blew a hundred dollar bill right in front of me. I
heard God tell me to get my shocks fixed. That was awesome. A friend
gave me Walt-Mart gift cards. That paid for new wiper blades and some
winter clothes. A family friend gave more than enough to cover the
gas. Every time I had a need, money showed up. I think of the Gospel
of Matthew where Jesus tells us not to worry. Our Father in heaven
provides for the lilies of the field and the birds of the air. How
much more will he proved for those who seek him. Yet there was not
enough to make the trip to California first. I have to believe it was
not the path God set before me.
Back here in my nephews living room, I
take stock of where I now find myself. I ask God why he has me here.
What purpose am I to fulfill? Why does Christ in me want me to be in
this place? I am telling you... it is freaking cold here and from
what I am told its has not yet become cold. That will be in January.
Yikes! Yet I have now doubt that I was led here by the Holy Spirit. I
am where I am supposed to be at this time.
Steven lives with his girlfriend who is
eight years older and has three children. Two live here. Her son is
around 19 years old and her youngest daughter at 16 is here also. The
daughter I had met when she was around 13-14. Since then she has
given birth to a son who is in the apartment too. This family is all
messed up. I mean really messed up. The son goes out drinking all the
time and the daughter abandons her son to go party and get high on
who knows what. She doesn't bother going to school.
So I ask myself, what am I doing here?
I know the answer is 'Jesus loves them'. I am here for Jesus to love
them through me. There is no judgment in my heart for all the
“sinful” things going on in this apartment. The Christ in me has
already gone to the cross and paid the ultimate price for the life
they are living. They have been forgiven, they just don't know it
yet. I feel blessed to be here to watch the transformation that is
about to happen to this “family”. I don't see myself doing
anything. Paul writes, “it is no longer I that live, but Christ in
me”. This is where the lesson of the “Brown Sofa” comes in. My
carnal mind has decided to believe the one who is in me. My carnal
mind is patiently waiting to see what my Spirit-Man has already seen
come to pass. My carnal mind is allowing Christ to do the work and
expects to see miracle after miracle in these peoples lives as they
are drawn to the Fathers Love.
In the meantime, my flesh has to deal
with the realities of this life. I need to find a job. I need a lot
more warm clothes, a lot more. The trailer my nephew is giving me to
live in needs lots of repairs to be inhabitable. Christ has brought
me here and He will provide for me as I continue to seek him first in
all things. I know this to be true. My carnal mind has come to the
place to believe the truth in me and no longer listens to “sin
living in me”. At lease most of the time.
I encourage all who read this to
consider their own journey to become the image and likeness of
Christ. All who believe in Jesus are on this journey. Take an honest
look where you stand. Do you seek Him first in all you do? Do you see
how Father provides your daily needs. Are you even looking to see
Fathers provision for you? If you are not seeking Him, you are not
going to find Him. He remains in your face, right smack dab in front
of you, waiting for you to see all he does for you and around you. He
desires for you to find Him. He desires for you to know Him deeply
and intimately as much as He knows you. Keep asking, keep seeking,
keep knocking. He will reveal Himself to you.
Blessings,
Tom
