5. April 21, 2014 A Look at Life

(I wrote this about a month ago before I even thought about doing a blog on my "Brown Sofa" experience.)


‎Tuesday, ‎March ‎18, ‎2014, ‏‎8:02 PM

I started thinking about life. Mainly life in general but also specific things in my life.

Life in general is total chaos. Russia taking over part of Ukraine. A jetliner has disappeared off the face of the earth. Earthquakes in California. Record rain, snow and drought. A child taking her parents to court. A murder trial on another continent. ObamaCare. Our elected officials caring more about taking control of the Congress and Senate in the next election than taking care of the business they were elected to do. This is the short list. It never ends.

All of us are either ultra conservative, ultra liberal, or somewhere between. No exceptions! We are all passionate about the things happening in life in some way or another. Some are even passionate about not being passionate about anything. We all come to our own opinions and conclusions including all kinds of conspiracy theories regardless of how whacked out they may be.

My life is not much better. I am a paycheck away from being homeless. Most of my food comes from food pantries and churches. I rent a room in slum-like housing because I don’t make enough for a decent apartment. I'm constantly fighting off bedbugs and roaches. I have two failed marriages. My only child died before she was born. The car has not had an oil change in three years. I don’t have the money. If it blows up I am walking distance to work and food pantries. At least I have a roof over my head, a job and access to food.

I have a lot of regrets too. There are many things I should have done, could have done, and a few I wish I never did. It is what it is. I cant change the past, neither can I forget it.

You would think that I am depressed and hating life. I am not. I live in a peace that blows me away at times.

I believe in Jeshua. Most call Him Jesus (so do I most of the time). In English his name is Joshua if you want to be politically correct. He is my everything. So am I a “Christian”? Nope. I don’t call myself that.

I was raised in the Catholic Church, asked Jesus into my heart at a Pentecostal Church. I have also been active in many other churches: Baptist, Southern Baptist, Black Baptist, Lutheran, Evangelical Presbyterian, Quaker, Church of Christ, Assemblies of God, Salvation Army and several Bible churches. I went to a Mormon church once. All the people called themselves “Christian”. Many of the people I met put this imaginary button on their shirt claiming to be a “christian”. Very few reminded me of Christ including a few of the pastors. I did find a few that lead me deeper in my understanding of who God is. But most I would not call Christ-like. In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus is tells a parable about who gets into heaven. This is what He said:

Matthew 7:21-23 "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?' And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.'

These people are doing what they believe is God's work. They call Jesus “Lord” and themselves “Christian” yet Jesus tells them to go to hell. I have no desire to be included in that group so I will not call myself a “Christian”, I don’t wear the badge, I don’t put on the face. I consider myself a “Follower” of Christ. Nothing more.

So do I go to church? Sure do. Its a small church with 25 on a good day. Can a small church be any good? I think so. You see, the pastor has no desire to spend any time, money or energy in building a big church and having to modify his message as not to offend any. He puts his time, money and energy into giving unconditional love to the young adults in our community teaching the truth and nothing else. That is why I go there. I also attend another fellowship that meets on Saturday evening for those interested in the deeper mysteries of the scriptures.

Do I think I am perfect? Far from it. The Apostle Paul referred to himself as the worst sinner. Two thousand years later I came along and trumped him. A few years ago I found myself in the darkest time of my life. I felt everything was lost and there was no hope. That was where God found me. I reluctantly allowed Him to drag me into the “Valley of the Shadow of Death”. It was not fun at all. In fact it was very painful. I realized immediately that God had a firm grip on me and wasn’t letting go. It was in His grip that I found a peace that I could not explain. With all the hell this world was throwing at me, I had absolutely nothing to worry about because I new that God was never going to let me go. It was weird. Hell outside – Peace inside. All because I knew that God loved me and he was not going to let me be harmed by the adversities I was facing.

As I stopped fighting him and began to walk with him, I noticed his arm over my shoulder guiding me where He wanted me to go in the dark places of the “Valley”. He was a firm Father not allowing me to wander or run away from the path he was leading me on. I eventually made it to the other side. As I look back now and contemplate the lessons learned, I gladly run to him and embrace Him. He is not only my Father, He is my Daddy. I run to Him all the time now like a little boy just wanting to be in Daddy's lap. The biggest lesson I learned was not that I could not fight God or all this other stuff he wanted me to know about him. What I learned was what Daddy thought about me. His love, thoughts and desires regarding me. I thought I was a horrible person. He thought about how wonderful and perfect I was. I figured because He was God he had final say on who I was. If he says I am pure, holy and perfect, than I am because He says so. Although I don't feel like it, I do believe him.

Norman Grubb in his book “The Key to Everything” teaches that the deeper truths in scripture are shrouded in paradox. For example, the christian doctrine of the trinity. We believe that God consists three separate persons, the Father, Son and Spirit, all unique and separate, yet at the same time one being. It is in that paradox that I find myself now. A horrible sinner, at the same time pure and holy.

 

I hope that as I continue to write you will also find the truth of how your heavenly Father sees you.

Blessings,
Tom